Thursday, January 22, 2009

(Cliche alert) I needed to start focus on her needs not just mine.

In response to the last post At All Times asked:

"I get this on occassions, but mostly in the bedroom, was there a time for you when it was the same for you, and what happened to change this, for your wife to take this outside the bedroom."

Sure there was. I think initially my wife thought this was just a fad. This was reinforced when I went through periods of not being fully committed to FLR. I don't wear a device and sometimes if I came home really exhausted from work and just needed to rest for a while I wasn't so enthusiastic about helping out etc... Add two young kids and we'd then slip back into the old routine of 50/50 etc....

Then time would pass by where I realise I'm not happy without FLR, and she's not happy with me being grumpy and unhelpful around the house.

I'd then broach the subject again, but most recently promised to myself not to pressure her and focus on serving her best I can. I am also careful not to make her feel like I expect something of her or else this puts pressure on her. I (almost) never use words like slave or anything derogatory that could think it's all too far fetched. Instead I enjoy giving her pedicures, foot rubs etc.... she's delighted to see how much I enjoy it and she takes satisfaction from having me serve her.

As she became more comfortable with this being a normal part of her life she realises that normal daily life is much better for both of us when she acknowledges her place as boss.

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